plagued

This week was brutal. 

I almost didn't write this post because I was to tired to get up and walk over to my laptop. 

(My laptop was less than three feet away). 

Since Christmas we have been plagued with a winter cold followed by a stomach bug. The kids have been sick, my husband and I have been sick and everyone's sleep schedule is off! I'm worn out. I've been reduced to an unhappy Mommy just going through the motions. My emotions are raw and all I want to do is run away and hide under the covers in my bed. 

Last night I hit my lowest point. After a long day dealing with a sick toddler and a fussy baby, it was bedtime and both kids were asleep. My husband and I were about to start the next episode of whatever we were watching on Netflixs when Alara woke up crying. I spent the next twenty minutes rocking her to asleep again, praying that maybe this time she will sleep soundly. She woke up less than ten minutes later screaming. I'm ashamed to admit this - but I was angry and the first thing to pop out of my mouth was "f**k, this. Why can't she just go to sleep." 

Not my best parenting moment. 

The minute that four letter word came flying out of my mouth I felt ashamed. My husband wasn't to happy with me either. And as I rocked Alara back to sleep all I could think of was how I had failed as a Mother. 

Not a good feeling. 

That night Alara actual slept. My prayers were answers. It is amazing what a good nights rest will do for the soul. I felt like a whole new person. 

This morning a friend sent me timely and much needed text that said "You can do it! I believe in you." 

I can do this. 

I am a good mom.